…and then i am

I woke up in the morning with my usual routine. Brought the kids to school with the usual reminders before sending them off. And when they left, there was nothing but an eerie silence.

I tried to go back to bed, knowing that my first day of training was about to begin that night. I needed to get hold of whatever I have. Devoid of any strength, will, and any sense of direction, I had chosen to follow whatever was set for the day.

I lay down on the bed thinking about the recent occurence.

What is it that made it happen?

Will it change everything? Am I ready?

Am I supposed to face it head on? Or should I take part in a charade? A world of imaginary peace and lie?

And what about the dream that I thought we were building?

All of a sudden, nothing seemed to matter anymore.

An hour had passed. Two. Three.

Sleep eluded me. Realizing the hopeless effort of compelling myself to take control of what’s left of me, I got up. Took a shower and headed to the grocery. While walking along a narrow aisle aimlessly, something suddenly struck me.

I felt so alone.

Grief has finally overtaken me.

I can’t remember how I used to handle such sentiment.

It’s been a long time.

I thought I will never walk that road again